Devil May Fry
by DarkSlayer23
Summary: Temperatures are hot and tempers are hotter. Dante decides to inflict some much needed revenge upon his brother. How? With a bottle of sunscreen of course! Rated T, just in case. Oneshot.


**A/N:** Before I begin, I would like to apologise for the corny title of this fic, it really was the only thing I could think of at the time, but it's so bad! XD.

Anyway, appalling title out of the way, the recent heatwave in the UK is what inspired me to create this oneshot, since it seems that everybody is talking about being safe when out in the sun etc, which got me on one of those 'hey, wouldn't it be funny if…' train of thoughts.

Like it? Hate it? It doesn't matter, just review it anyway (please? XD). CC will be appreciated whilst thoughtless Flames will be doused with water.

* * *

**Devil May Fry**

It was another scorching day in the city. Given the high volume of traffic and the general closeness of the buildings to one another, it was no surprise that temperatures were soaring well into the high 30c's and as the sun was not even directly overhead yet, it could only get hotter. The air seemed to shimmer as cars came to a complete standstill, churning out more carbon dioxide that would probably result in an even hotter summer next year, if global warming was to be believed.

Inside was actually cooler than outside, at least the inside had a moderate air conditioning system and a ceiling fan, so Vergil was relatively comfortable, although he had shed his trench coat and cravat at some point during that morning, deciding that since he was not going anywhere it was completely unnecessary to wear either (he did not want to admit the simple reason behind it; he was too **hot**). Although as usual, he was completely baffled by the antics of his younger-by-five-minutes brother.

Ever since he had gotten up that morning, Dante had done nothing but complain about the heat. He knew full well that his brother was probably exaggerating his discomfort just to get a reaction from him, but the worst fact of all was that it was working.

Allowing his gaze to wander, Vergil took in the general state of the front room/office and mentally cringed. He wished that Dante would take Force Edge and a number of other swords down from the various girly posters scattered around the room. He also wished that if his brother was going to claim trophies of the demons he had killed, he would at least clean the skulls first, he was positive that some of the dried blood caked onto those skulls and the swords mounting them to the wall had been there since the demon had first been slain. It was disgusting.

Not to mention finding Dante's **underpants** on the banister, the ceiling fan and, worst of all the refrigerator. Even now, Vergil could not suppress that particular memory. _When did my brother grow up to be such a slob … well, more of a slob._ He thought to himself as he strode into the kitchen, picking up various articles of clothing as he went (and dropping a good few in disgust once he realized what they **were**).

Dante, to his credit did not seem to even notice the kind of trauma his brother was enduring, far more focused on simply sprawling out on the sun lounger which had certainly seen better days so he could soak up the sun, his muscular chest glistening from sweat and suntan lotion. It was his day off and he was going to enjoy it! Even if it killed him, which he acknowledged was probably going to be sooner than later, judging from the way his brother was glaring at him and grinding his teeth.

Shaking his glass, causing the ice cubes to rattle, he called with a large grin on his face "Hey Ver! Whilst you're in there, get me another drink will you? I'm parched!"

_The **nerve** of him!_ Vergil wasn't really sure what was more insulting, the fact that Dante had called him 'Ver', a nickname he truly despised or whether it was the fact that Dante actually **expected** him to juice the tomatoes himself since they had run out of bottled tomato juice.

Entertaining himself with the thought of charging outside and planting several particularly plump, juicy tomatoes right onto Dante's smug face, his expression remaining impassive the whole time, Vergil shoved the laundry he had picked up off the floor into the washing machine. "Get your own."

The kitchen was **his** domain, something that Dante had never actually contested since the time when he had successfully managed to set the kitchen on fire just from trying to microwave a packet of instant noodles, though he had maintained that the instructions hadn't told him **not** to put the package in the microwave and how was he supposed to know that microwaves exploded when exposed to tinfoil? Needless to say, Vergil had promptly banned him completely from the kitchen, which didn't bother him at all. Since the washing machine and cleaning products were in the kitchen, it gave him an excuse not to do the laundry or cleaning.

Besides, he had a very important job to do as a Demon Hunter (although the sign said he was a Detective) and as the main breadwinner, he felt that it was Vergil's duty to take care of the housework. He didn't care about the state of the shop anyway. Okay so it was a bit dusty and there were a few pizza boxes here and there, but he didn't mind, if Vergil was going to be obsessive compulsive about it, he could hardly see why he expected any help since he was the only one who had a problem with it (Lady didn't count).

Stretching and letting out a happy sigh, Dante was about to force himself to get up before grinning and remaining where he was. "But Ver, you said I wasn't allowed in the kitchen."

"You walked **through** the kitchen to get outside," Vergil pointed out as he tried not to allow his irritation to show, but Dante had been trying to get under his skin all morning and concealing it was becoming more difficult. In the end, he decided to just give up and, letting out an exasperated sigh, he answered "Fine! I'll make your drink."

_Heh heh heh, Dante 1, Vergil 0_. The half-demon thought to himself as he sprawled out on the sun lounger once more, content enough with his victory to close his eyes. He soon regretted it as he felt something very cold and very wet on his face. Sitting bolt-upright and opening his eyes, the first thing he saw was his brother standing next to the sun lounger, holding an empty glass upside-down over his head "Son of a…,"

"I hereby grant you permission to enter the kitchen for a drink," Vergil interrupted before rolling his eyes and turning away to slink back into the nice, cool, shady building. However, when Dante gripped his wrist and smiled up at him sweetly, he knew that he was plotting something.

"You should take a load off, enjoy the sunshine Ver! I swear you're like a vampire, when was the last time you actually sat out and soaked up some sun?" He questioned brightly, getting up off the sun lounger and pushing his brother onto it lightly before adding "You only live once!" Not even allowing his brother to protest, Dante promptly forced him to take off the waistcoat before grinning at him "I'm gonna' go get cleaned up, don't forget to use plenty of sunscreen!" He smiled sweetly again before padding inside to wash his face and wait.

Vergil watched him suspiciously as he felt the warmth of the sun hitting his chest. After approximately fifteen minutes of just sitting and waiting for something to happen, the elder twin finally dropped his guard and settled on the sun lounger. He would never admit it, but this actually felt rather nice. _Perhaps Dante had a good idea for a change…_

If there was one thing Dante prided himself on, it was knowing his brother like the back of his hand. Getting him to relax would be the tricky part, but he knew that once he let down his guard, his plan would come into action. Vergil may have been a light sleeper, but Dante knew full well that the heat of the evenings had been keeping him awake and there was only so much lost sleep even a half-demon could endure before it began to affect them. Sure enough, within minutes of settling on the sun lounger, his brother had fallen asleep.

Grinning broadly, Dante swiftly put Phase Two of his master plan into action…

* * *

It was not until the early evening when Vergil awoke again. As he sat up, having turned onto his stomach at some point during the day, the first thing he noticed was a particularly sharp, stinging sensation pretty much all over his upper-body. Still half-asleep, he was confused at what could possibly be causing the pain until he noticed to his horror, the blistering sunburn all over his left arm. Quickly glancing at his right arm, he found the same blistering sunburn and put two and two together.

He looked positively murderous when he heard laughter behind him "Dante…"

Sure enough, his younger by-five-minutes twin was standing in the doorway, doubled over in fits of laughter. Pointing at him, he exclaimed gleefully "You should've worn sunscreen, you look like a tomato, Ver!" Leaning against the wall, he continued to laugh, having no sympathy whatsoever for his twin.

Gritting his teeth in sheer anger, Vergil grabbed Dante's coat, which had been left near the sun lounger earlier and placed it over his shoulders to prevent any further damage being caused by the sun, which was still shining down on the back lot. The fabric alone caused him a great deal of pain, but he dismissed it, moving to unsheathe Yamato when he realized much to his annoyance that it was simply too painful.

Shoving past his brother and regretting the action almost instantly, Vergil ignored the red trench coat as it slipped off his shoulders, more concerned about getting inside and having a cold shower to hopefully ease the blistering sensation all over his back and chest.

Making no attempt to stop his brother, Dante simply watched him enter the shop, grinning as the coat slipped off his shoulders to reveal the words 'Dante Rulez' written in pale skin that stood out against the blistering red of Vergil's back. _Heh Heh_, _Dante 2, Vergil 0._


End file.
